Mar 2, 2018

Life update March 2018

I know, I know... I did it again.
I had left this blog un-updated for the longest time now. 
So here's a quick update.

Currently counting down to the biggest exam in my medschool journey-
Second Professional Exam for final year student :

I had all the things that have happened in the past few months in drafts but never get the time to actually finish all and hit that publish button. No worries, will complete that soon after I've finished with all these studying stuffs. 

For the time being, let me put this here-
A conversation that I had with someone, who is actually my junior in college. 
This is so highschool-ish but whatever, just for fun. So here goes.

1. Your full name — bcs I tend to forget people’s name sorry! It's Ainal Syafiqah bt Mohamad Ridzuan . My friends call me ainal. Old people call me syafiqah 😂 and I often had to spell out my name bcs people always thought it's aina instead of Ainal. And I often typo-ed my name to Anal..... 2. Date of birth & place of birth 22/10/94 @ taiping 3. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Most probably still skeleton-thin. I'll be 33, Hopefully a good and safe dr. A specialist insyaAllah (which I haven't decided yet on which specialty to go for). 4. Fav genre of music? Depending on the mood. I can swing 360 from black metal to hafiz hamidun zikir real fast 😂 I don't really listen to music much nowadays and I don't even know why. 5. What is your biggest fear? I can't pin point to a specific one but currently: failing the second pro exam and had a major breakdown and not being able to go through that phase. Others: Not becoming competent enough to serve the patients Losing my cats & parents & brothers Not having my friends attending my wedding (whenever that is) because they are all too busy 6. What is your biggest dream? I just want to be successful, happy and look fabulous all the time 😂 7. If you have the choice to change any fate in your life what would it be? I don't think I'd wanna change anything because I'm here, still doing fine (at least that's what i kept telling myself), so I guess i'd made pretty good decisions so far. 9. What do you like about yourself? I like that i am funny (mostly hambar but whatever💁🏻‍♀️) that I can always put a smile on people's face 10. What advice you’ll give to 15 years old you? - To not 'kacau' this one junior and asked her to be my pet sister hahaha. - Stick with the real friends. Don't get too carried away and succumbed to being in a clique. Don't try so hard to fit in. - Be with those who like me for who i am. - What other people think of me does not matter at all. - Study harder

if anyone is reading this, please pray for me and my friends to pass our exam. thank you!

Sep 1, 2017

Oestrogen surge

It has been a looooong time since I write here and this time it is driven by my oestrogen surge because it's that time of the month... if you know what I mean.

I'm turning 23 this October- which to me is still so very young, but I don't know why my facebook and instagram timelines are so full with photos of friends or friends of friends getting engaged/married and even expecting!! (Heartiest congratulations to you people by the way!) Like.. is 23 the optimum age to get married or something? And if it is, how can I not know it?!?

I would definitely be lying if I say I'm not affected by this 'phenomenon' but I have to put that feeling aside for now because:

1. I'm still struggling to graduate here- JUST. SEVEN. MORE. MONTHS.
2. I don't think I'm ready. Or maybe I am. To be honest, I don't actually know.

Am I even capable of being a great partner to someone? I am selfish and an ego maniac, how can I become selfless and (expected to) love someone more than I love myself? Do I even love me? I refused to go back to my parents' sometimes just because I don't feel like it. How can I even want to go back to someone else's hometown? Heck, I don't even know my way back to Taiping because all I do in the car is either sleeping or sleeping. Have you heard of all those terrible mother in law stories?! I'm not a good cook- I don't eat veges please don't expect me to know the names. I only know less than 5 types of fish - sardine, salmon, bawal, keli.... oh wait, maybe only 4. I woke up late sometimes. I clean my room/house only on weekends but it turns into a wreckship again after a few hours. I'm not good at keeping track of my expenses. I'm a total mess.

Being in medical field, I always wonder when is the ideal time to settle down. I think everybody knows how competitive it is nowadays because of the huge number of MBBS/MD graduates- which means I definitely have to work a whole lot harder for a place in the system- which means I can't get distracted and screw up. I can't get married now because I'm still a student, if I were to get pregnant; I'm gonna have to miss a lot of classes for appointments/check ups, the morning sickness and not to forget the labour and confinement period. How can I even pass with that many absenteeism? Most probably will have to repeat a WHOLE year (or semester- most of the people call it), financially unsupported by the scholar giver. Same thing if I decided to settle down during housemanship training. For sure need to extend and this will somehow affect my opportunity to sit for the requirement exam when I want to apply to become a specialist later in the future.

I am now 23, will graduate soon (insyaAllah) when I'm 24. Have to wait a bit before starting housemanship probably for 6 months (based on the previous batches). When my 2 years of housemanship done, I'll be 26 years old, this is probably when I will get married. Then of course wanna have honeymoon period with the husband for 2-3 years maybe hehe. But by then, when I want to have a child (emm or maybe children, we'll see), I'll be around 29 years old already. Do you know as the age increases, the risk to have abnormal pregnancy also increases? And around this time, i should be focusing on my exam to become a specialist. How do I juggle between patients, a newborn, husband and studies?  Do you understand the reasons for my worries? Or is it just me overthinking things? How do other people make it look so easy? Can I do it too?

So yea. I really don't know. I guess I just have to go with the flow and see how it is going to be. After all, we plan and He also plans- and He is, the greatest planner of all.

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who understands, who is  willing to go through all this mess together? You know what, I think I found him.

It has been about three years since we got together. (I think. I don't even remember when or how it started. We just happened.) The period of knowing each other- it matters to me. The longer, the better. You can't just marry anyone you met yesterday  and woke up the next day realizing that you two didn't go well together and part ways and repeat the whole thing again with another person (Yup, you can tell that I'm not a believer of the love after marriage thingy). Never have I ever imagined being with someone who is this close to me. I mean, I have always tried to avoid being with someone whom I met everyday (i.e classmates) because I thought we would get bored of each other very easily and if we somehow broke up, it'd be difficult because how do we move on when we still see each other every other day? It would be awkward righttt?!?

But it's totally different from what I've been imagining. There's never a dull second/moment/day with this one. And I realized that I should have not worry about breaking up at the very first place  because you don't get into a relationship just to worry about it ending. You get into a relationship trying your best to make it lasts, to cherish every moment and that's about it. Other things are just the sugar and spice to make it nice(r). My days are always better when he interferes. He makes me feel good about myself, he makes me a whole lot happier and some other feelings that are indescribable (also because I malas nak tulis ady 😌). Yes, of course there are days when we had misunderstandings and all but that's another thing.

What I love most about being in love is that it always made you try harder in everything that you do. How it  made you  want to be  a better person for yourself  first, then only for the people around you. I hope it's not too early to say that he's the one because I realized that I still have a long way to go. I hope we are both in the right lane. I hope He eases our way.

Jun 28, 2017

Learning Photography Pt.1 - Olympus Pen E-PL7

I recently bought a camera - the Olympus Pen E-PL7
and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. 

I've always have this thing for photography since high school but I never had the chance to actually try taking photos "artistically". We (my family) once had a camera but..... I broke it. 

Earlier this year, my mom brought me to one camera shop and let me chose a camera. It was a tough decision between a DSLR and two mirrorless cameras. Taking into account that my parents would at times borrow the camera when they go on holidays, i decided to settle for a small-sized, almost compact camera because you know how heavy a DSLR can be, and not to mention the number of buttons that will drive my mom-who-can't-even-operate-a-smartphone crazy. 

The other mirrorless camera was Canon M10. So between the two, as someone who knows nothing about camera, I gravitated more towards Canon because well, it's Canon. I think most of us are more familiar with either Canon and Nikon. I asked for a friend's opinion and he told me to read the reviews first. My bad because I didn't know that we were going to buy a camera, I could have done my 'homework' first. But oh well, I'm not gonna go into details on the differences between the two cameras. 

In this post, I'm going to share the photos I took with my Olympus Pen E-PL7.
I have 2 lenses:

  • Kit lens- M.Zuiko 14-42mm f3.5-5.6
  • Zoom lens- M. Zuiko 40-150mm f4-5.6. 

Most of the time I have my zoom lens on because I think it's very versatile. I can shoot both portraits and (almost) micro with it. But of course, there are always cons in everything and in this case, the zoom lens is pretty hard to work with in small space because I have to be quite far from the subject or else I'll be zoomed in to his/her nostrils hehe. 

The photos are great in their original form but of course some adjustments have to be made. You know, the usuals- exposure, contrast, shadow and temperature . In case of portraiture shots, I sometimes tweak a bit to adjust the color to make the subject/model stand out. I admit I sometimes tend to over edit a photo. Something that I need to learn about more.

Here, I will attach both before and after editing photos taken with the Olympus Pen E-PL7 camera.

Above (Original) / Below (Edited)
1/250 sec, f/5.6, ISO 500, 150mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

Left (Original) / Right (Edited)
1/200 sec, f/5.6, ISO 320, 145mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

Above (Original) / Below (Edited)
1/200 sec, f/4.8, ISO 400, 85mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

Above (Original) / Below (Edited)
1/250 sec, f4.1, ISO 250, 45mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

These are four from thousands of photos that I have taken over the past 3 months. I've created a new instagram account: @ain4lc4ptures. Do visit and give me a follow if you wish to see more photos.

In my next post, I will share some tips that I think useful for me.
Tips from a beginner to another beginner.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Thank you for reading!